How to Turn Your Values Into Something You Can Use
by Joshua Routh
In my keynote "The S Word," I talk about a framework called SWORD: Self-Awareness, Witness, Openness, Repair, Debrief. Self-Awareness is the first letter for a reason. It is the ground everything else stands on.
Here is the piece people miss. Self-awareness is not the same thing as authenticity. Authenticity asks you to know yourself. Sincerity asks you to know yourself and then take responsibility for how that self shows up for other people.
You cannot get to the second part without the first. And you cannot get to the first part without a working knowledge of your own values, not a poster on the wall, not a word you picked because it sounded impressive in an interview, but the actual, specific principles that are running the show underneath your decisions.
Naming a value is the easy part. Living inside it is the practice.
Your Values Should Become Visible
Choosing a word from a list is only the beginning. A value becomes useful when you can recognize what it looks like in your behavior.
Suppose you choose kindness. How does kindness affect the way you offer feedback? How does it shape the way you respond when someone makes a mistake? How does it appear when you are frustrated, busy, or under pressure?
Suppose you choose courage. What conversation have you been avoiding? Where do you need to ask for help? What truth are you ready to admit to yourself?
A value that remains abstract can become decoration. A value connected to behavior becomes a guide.
For each value you choose, ask:
What does this value look like when I am living it well?
What behavior would violate this value?
When have I recently honored it?
Where have I ignored it?
What is one action that would bring me closer to it this week?
Those questions turn a pleasant word into something you can use.
EXAMPLE: Putting Respect Into Practice
What respect means to me:
Giving people my attention and treating their time and perspective as worthwhile.
What it looks like:
Listening without interrupting, arriving prepared, and addressing concerns directly.
What violates it:
Talking over someone, avoiding a needed conversation, or dismissing an idea before understanding it.
One action this week:
Put my phone away during every one-on-one conversation.
Your Values May Compete
People often feel pressure to narrow themselves down to one perfect principle. Human beings are more complicated than that.
You may value achievement and balance. You may value honesty and compassion. You may value adventure and security.
The tension between those values is part of being human.
Knowing your values does not mean that every decision becomes simple. It means you can see which parts of yourself are involved in the decision.
There will be seasons when one value needs more attention than another. There will also be moments when you realize that a value you claimed to hold has not appeared in your calendar, your behavior, or your choices for a long time.
That realization is useful. It is also uncomfortable. Self-awareness begins when we become willing to see ourselves clearly, even the parts of ourselves that are not living up to what we say we believe.
Start With the Values That Feel Alive
Do not choose the words that sound most impressive. Choose the ones that feel familiar.
Look for the values that have shaped your proudest decisions. Notice the values whose absence has caused your deepest frustration. Think about the people you admire and the qualities they consistently demonstrate.
Then begin narrowing the list. You might start with ten values, reduce them to five, and eventually identify the few that feel essential.
As you make your choices, ask yourself:
Would I still choose this value if nobody else knew?
Does this value already shape my behavior?
Do I want this to guide more of my behavior?
What would change if I took this value seriously?
You are not creating a slogan. You are learning the language of the compass you have been carrying all along.
Use the Exercise
Take a few quiet minutes with the values exercise. Read through the list slowly. Write down the words that catch your attention, even when you cannot immediately explain why.
Narrow the list. Define what each value means in your own life. Then choose one small action that would make one of those values more visible this week.
Knowing your values will not tell you exactly what to do in every situation. It will help you recognize the person you want to be while you are deciding.
